The right to be heard does not...

The right to be heard does not imply the right to be taken seriously.

I had the right to remain silent...

I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.

High blood pressure, high cholesterol...

High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high anxiety, high blood sugar… getting high is no fun at all at my age.

Grandma complained no one ever calls, so...

Grandma complained no one ever calls, so I put a “How’s My Driving?” bumper sticker on her car. The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.

Just had my one-millionth apathetic thought...

Milestone: just had my one-millionth apathetic thought. I guess that’s something to be proud of, but… meh

The right to be heard does not...

The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.

Sent out an e-mail in response to a job opening...

Sent out an e-mail in response to a job opening. I accidentally ended the e-mail with "retards" instead of "regards". FML

If you only see one movie this year…

If you only see one movie this year… you should get out more.